Topic: CHOOSING THE RIGHT MARRIAGE PARTNER
THEME SCRIPTURE:
1 Corinthians 7:39 (NKJV)
A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
MESSAGE:
Having gained some insights into marriage, it would be appropriate we lay the right foundation for prospective married couples, as well as those who will guide prospective married couples to choose the right marriage partner.
Our theme Scripture gives a clue to the number one criteria for choosing the right marriage partner. Though the Scripture refers to widows who desire to remarry, the principle applies to both men and women who are yet to marry. The phrase, “… she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, ONLY IN THE LORD” is informative and very revealing. It means a believer is at liberty to marry whoever he/she wishes, on condition that the prospective spouse is in the Lord. Marrying someone who isn’t in Christ should be a non-starter. Scripture describes it as an unequal yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14). Remember, a decorated pig, is still a pig!
Isn’t it beautiful to know that God doesn’t restrict us to a particular person when it comes to choosing a marriage partner? There are those who are waiting for God to reveal to them who they should marry. I don’t dispute the fact that God can give such a revelation, because He has done it before, and can still do it again. But these are exceptions and not the rule. In as much as the Holy Spirit guides us into all truth, He doesn’t choose for us. God gives everyone of His children the liberty to choose whom he/she wishes to marry. Your wish may not be my wish; and vice versa.
After prospective married couples have ensured that the spouse to be is in Christ, the following guidelines can help anyone to choose the right marriage partner:
1. The person you’re choosing must have a sense of purpose. Remember, the purpose of marriage is primarily for companionship, for purposeful living. It is said that, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road can lead you there.” In other words, if there’s no vision, you’ll follow any road to no where.
2. He/she must be mature. Maturity is not about how old a person is; it’s not in age. It’s about the individual’s sense of wholeness and independence. One cannot operate the covenant of interdependence if he/she isn’t truly independent. Maturity is a stage in life where one takes decisions, and makes choices, and is prepared to be 100% responsible for the consequences.
3. The prospective married couple must be attracted towards each other. Some attractions are instantaneous, while others take time. That’s why generally, one must allow room for acquaintance, through friendship, and through courtship, before you say, “I do!” Closeness brings attraction and builds a certain chemistry or affinity that only the two know and can testify about. That’s why choosing someone you haven’t met before can be too costly an experiment. It might have worked for others, but generally, it’s not advisable.
4. If there’s a chemistry or affinity between prospective married couples, and if that affinity is not infatuation but love, it will eventually become a connection that cannot be broken. We will throw more light on this in our next devotion.
5. Finally, even when there’s a connection, the two must seek divine confirmation by presenting the relationship to God in prayer. God has many ways of confirming the right choice; He can speak to the prospective couples directly; He can use their pastor or spiritual leader; He can use married couples with the right experience; He can use counselors; and so on, and so forth. Whichever way, once there’s a confirmation of the choice, it’s prudent to subject the relationship to counseling, for in the multitude of counselors, there’s safety (Proverbs 11:14).
